No computer science for me ig

(warning: upcoming text isn't written well. It is MY website and I will decide that shittily done things are allowed here. Tho I wish you luck to decipher this regardless)

So I just got a computer science exam back and it just went alright... But I really studied a lot for it ;-; Funny to think about the fact that just a few months ago I was almost 100% sure that I wanted to work in the computer science field. I still didn't believe I could handle going to a CS uni though. The first time I had computer science classes and really learned what it is was about four years ago, for two school years. They were obligatory classes and it was one of the only subjects I really had fun AND I WAS REALLY GOOD AT IT!!! But then this school year started... This time we could choose some classes ourselves and I decided on computer science as I loved it before. Oh boy. These classes are on a completely different level ;-; Most students here are already VERY familiar with CS. Knowing coding languages and other computer stuff, probably doing computer science stuff as a hobby. I do not. And many are like, really good at math. I'M TERRIBLE AT MATH. And for some reason, the current classes are also leaning heavier into math stuff ;-; Soooooo yeeeaaaaaahhhh, I'm struggling a loooooot. Especially since this is my last year and tbh, it isn't looking great ;-; I think the problem is also that I'm just sooo tired after all these years and I really need a very long break. Probably a coma would be sufficient. And therapy, I really need therapy. Each semester my mental health got worse and worse ;-; So yeah, I really need some rest especially because I kinda wanna go to uni but I wouldn't go there before I have some of my shit together. Anyway, I feel like I should explain the school system of my country a bit?? So when you're four, you go to kindergarten for two years. And then real school starts for nine more years. Between these nine years, there's a split where students get sorted into different school classes based on their grades bla bla, not so important. So you finish school when you're fifteen or sixteen and then you have two choices: do you wanna go to an apprenticeship or continue school. When you choose an apprenticeship, you go to work and school a few times a week. Depending on what you choose, it can last from two years to four years until you're fully trained/qualified for that job. I chose the other option: continuing school. The kind of school I went to lasts for four years and it is meant to prepare you for uni. Here you have various subjects, so you can only specialize to a very limited extent. I chose this path because I didn't know what I wanted to pursue as a career and I thought this way I would have some more time to decide. And because my grades allowed it (I used to actually be quite good at school with little effort and now I’m one of the lowest grading students in my school class… oops). ANYWAYS. So let’s see how this last school year goes. Some HUUUGEE exams are waiting for me in the very, very near future and I already fucked up a huuge project… Maybe I'll write about that disaster someday. Sorry for talking bout school but it's just a gigantic thing in my life rn and it's taking too much space in my life. Hopefully, after I overcome the current and upcoming hurdles, I can finally rest a little bit...

And here a very cool youtube video: Limbo and The Glass Palace I have never seen someone use minecraft as an artistic outlet in this way. I also recommend their other videos (up to now there are just 5 other videos).